Michael Turner 1971 - 2008

I always used to rip on Scott for liking Turner's work.

Now I'm just waiting to see how long it takes before the internet makes an extremely inapproriate remark about his passing.

Yes.

The internet.

Consumer guilt

When I was nine we moved to Port.

We left the bustling metropolis of Whitby to hang out in the armpt of southern Ontario. My sisters were too young for the move to have much of an impact on their life. But I was just old enough that it meant turning my entire world upside down. It meant giving up the street where I, and all my friends, lived for a place where the nearest person my age was fifteen minutes away by car. Suddenly I was being bussed two towns over just to get to school.

Since then, one of my better defined life goals has been leaving that small town for something more developed But after four years of school at York and living in some of the shittier neighbourhoods that T.O. had to offer I found myself changing my mind.

I was wishing for the solitude and the wide open spaces of the town that I had left behind.

On the weekend I went back to Port for my brother-in-law's birthday party. I'm unhappy to see how much the small town of my youth is becoming just another part of the urban landscape of my adulthood.

Things are changing.

They're plowing under all the farmer's fields in Port for new houses, new strip malls and new Tim Horton's franchises. In the world of 130$ a barrel oil, increasing food prices and provincial economic uncertainty this unrestrained development just seems like lunacy.

Its just more evidence that despite the changing nature of the world around us some people continue to try and live as if their choices don't have any consequences.

Part of the reason I've having this crisis of conscience is that I really feel like I am one of these greedy capitalists. Thanks to a pair of wedding showers we've ended up replacing a lot of perfectly serviceable household items for higher-end versions of the same (dishes, appliances etc). S and I have been living together a long time so we're not like some couples who need all these things to start a new life together. But people want to have showers for us nonetheless and they expect us to have a gift registry so they know what to get us.

It just feels so wasteful. We don't really need any of these things, we're running out of room to store it all properly and suddenly I feel like I'm part of the problem, not the solution.

All of a sudden my comic book collection looks more like an unessecary extravagance than an amusing hobby.

I really don't fit in with city life anymore. But in order to make a decent living I can't afford to be to far away from it either.

S and I have talked about where we'd go in a couple years time when we move. We both would like to get as far away from the city as we can, but with our jobs, I think the best we can realistically hope for is Ajax/Pickering.

Which hardly fills me with hope.

I miss green space. I miss peace and quiet. And I'm jealous that my sisters, who've chosen to stay close to Port, have seen the value in all of the above and are clearly smarter than me.

My life

Not to get to existential or anything.

Feel free to submit your own.

Romeo:
But soft, what light through yonder pickle breaks?
It is the east, and Bicks is the sun.
Arise, fair Bicks, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with blandness.
That thou, her maid, art far more tasty than she.

Juliet:
It hath been said that there art a lot of salt in yon pickle

Six sentence comic book reviews

Figures.

On my first day without my school time-suck I get sick and have to spend the whole thing sacked out on the downstairs couch. Thank God for the Chronicles of Riddick and a girlfriend unafraid to brave the halls of the Silver Snail, where the only female presence is behind the cash register. Seriously, she went in there once in a Wonder Woman T-shirt and that just gave men an excuse to stare at her chest.

But I digress.

This week, the DayQuil infused ramblings of a diseased germ bag, where I promise to limit my reviews of your favourite titles to exactly six sentences.

No more.

No less.

Because that’s just how we role……in short six sentence increments.

Final Crisis #2

It’s impossible to credibly summarize the plot of any Grant Morrison work in just six sentences, much less review the entire issue. But I’ve never been one to let quality stand in the way of meaningless promise. Reading FC is like jumping into your time machine and reading the first forty odd issues of JLA all over again, there’s always hints at a larger evil just off page. This time it’s the Machiavellian machinations of an Earth bound Dark Side and co. I like the idea of making Kirby’s biggest DC creations more accessible to the DC Universe at large. It takes a wonderfully constructed epic mythology, which was previously accessible to only the most powerful of off-world traveling heroes, and transplants it into an urban here-and-now environment which will allow it to interact with just about any hero DC has on the books.

No Hero #0

The creative team behind Black Summer (Warren Ellis, Juan Jose Ryp) return for another look at the personal, political and social repercussions of self made super hero teams let loose in the real world. The series will follow a chemically enhanced 60’s era super-team as they metamorphasize from a bunch of young street-wise idealists, known as the Levellers, into the institutionalized government style group, The Front Line. The driving question behind this title is “How badly do you want to be a superhero?” The idea being that regular people are willing to engage in all sorts of ethically suspect activities and behaviour if it means having an opportunity to grab that brass ring. Parallels can quickly and easily be drawn between these heroes and high paid sports celebrity-types. With issue 0 Ellis has done an admirable job of laying the foundation for an interesting Legacy-hero style story and I look forward to seeing where he takes it.

Green Lantern #32

Finally, a secret origins issue that doesn’t concern itself with re-telling information the reader likely already knows verbatim. In this issue Hector Hammond’s supervillian back-story gets ret-conned. No longer does he gain his enormous intellect and misshapen head from deliberately exposing himself to a mysterious meteor. Instead Hammond is now the victim of an explosion from within Abin Sur’s downed ship. This explosion exposes him to some sort of gas\radiation and he begins to develop the telepathy and the over-sized cranium we come to associate with the character. Coupled with some additional ‘Origin of the Red Lanterns material,’ this is the first time this particular plot-arc has gotten interesting.

Thunderbolts #121

So long Warren, we hardly knew ye. And with Ellis’ swan song on this title I can officially move Thunderbolts into my drop pile. The ‘bolts continue to fight each other, under the influence of some powerful psychics who’s motives are never really explained. After the team manages to neutralize each other into unconsciousness, Bullseye pulls a Deux Ex Machina and shows up to finish off the offending telepaths. An anti-climatic end to a title that was consistently a step or two above average. Rather than impose any lasting change or growth upon the team Ellis returns everything to status quo by writing off the recent throw down as the fault of the powerful psychics.

Ultimate Spider-man #123

I’ve noticed recently that the Ultimate titles have taken a step backwards in terms of the physical quality of the comic book. Gone is the heavy card stock covers and in its place is the familiar glossy pages that I see on every other title I buy. I guess with the news that the Ultimate line is being folded\canceled means Marvel no longer has to splash out on fancy paper. Which is unfortunate. Ultimate Spider-man is the only Spider-title I’ve bothered to keep reading. Bendis, Bagley and now Immonen have managed to take a hero I’d gotten slightly bored with and made him new and interesting again, without having to resort to magically dissolving his marriage.

That’s it for me. Now get off my lawn.

Movie Review: The Incredible Hulk

I don’t know many people who will voluntarily confess to liking the first Hulk movie. The best you can hope for is a begrudging admission that it wasn’t THAT bad.

However, I really enjoyed the first film. I thought it was a bold attempt to take the concept of a superhero movie and push it in a different direction, imbue it with a deeper meaning, a sense of mythology.

Unfortunately the movie going public felt the film was slow , after re-watching it recently, it seems even slower now, especially considering in the five years since it was released the superhero movie concept has been considerably refined and perfected.

There’s an accepted formulae filmmakers follow now, heavy action, recognizable fan favourite villains, storylines or in-jokes and a minimum of dialog and exposition.

We demand to see Hulk smash or Superman catch that falling plane, we don’t want to hear them wax philosophical about their purpose in life. This is a comic book movie goddammit.

More smashy-smashy, less talky-talky.

For comic fans almost any effort to try something new or different to their heroes is destined to be universally reviled. We’ve spent years investing ourselves in these characters, taking the stories from the page and re-enacting them in our minds. Now Hollywood is attempting the same thing and heaven help them if their finished product contradicts our childhood fantasies.

For those worried few, fear not. The Incredible Hulk is the kind of movie you’ve been waiting for. The controversy generated by the first film is glossed over and quietly rebooted in the opening credits. After that we’re introduced to the ‘standard Hulk plotline #1’

1. Bruce (Edward Norton) is hiding from the military, attempting to cure himself.
2. Military finds him.
3. Bruce hulks out and smashes things up.
4. Repeat steps 1 – 4, until Bruce is finally caught.

Liv Tyler is Betty Ross, Bruce’s obligatory love interest. Her sole roll in the movie is to look worried, get in trouble and to run out into the rain whenever she’s wearing a white shirt. William Hurt and Tim Roth play the military figures chasing Bruce. Roth’s character, Emil Blonsky, gets injected with a WWII era super-solider formula that gives him the power and the strength to take on the Hulk. However these powers get corrupted when Roth is injected with a vial of Bruce’s blood, turning him into the monstrous Abomination.

William Hurt as General Ross, Betty’s father, is the least interesting of the three supporting characters. He broods a lot, looks stern and seems to have a never endingly supply of custom-made Hummer’s lurking around every corner. There is none of the gruff warmth that Sam Elliot brought to the same role in the first film.

You’re not going to strain any brain cells here trying to follow along with this movie. Once you’ve mastered the plot basics its clear that you’re only here catch the smashy-smashy and I can assure you, in this instance, the movie will not disappoint. Hulk smashes his way through a pop factory, the U of T campus (er Culver university) and downtown Toronto. (As a local, it’s weird to see Zanzibar and Sam the Record Man show up so prominently in the last big melee.)

The special effects are about a half step up from the first go round, which was no slouch in that department either. We’ve traded in the bright comic book hues of the first film for a darker, grittier palette. I’m guessing we may have reached the point of diminishing returns when it comes to special effects. We’ve come so far in the last fifteen years or so, that creating fully functioning CGI characters is now almost a ho-hum experience for movie goers. The technology will continue to improve, giving us characters that are even more realistic and lifelike, but I strongly suspect that the phenomenal growth we’re using to seeing from these types of effects is all but done.

There are also plenty of fan boy nuggets for comic readers in this movie as well. The script borrows characters, plot devices and visual motifs that the general public won’t pick up on but fans of the Hulk will recognize instantly. My personal favourite is Bruce jumping out of a helicopter in order to trigger the appearance of the Hulk, ripped almost directly from the pages of the Ultimates it was a nice little fan boy moment I enjoyed.

But what is really interesting is how Marvel is methodically tying all their film franchises together. The appearance of Robert Downie Jr. as Tony Stark shows that the company is aware that fans aren’t just interested in a single character, they want to see a whole world where their favourite characters can mingle and interact with each other, just like the comics. As the momentum to the inevitable Avengers movie builds Marvel demonstrates an incredible amount of prescience in maintaining their intellectual properties across all mediums. It’s top drawer marketing that can’t help but appeal to casual and hardcore fans alike. It shows this company is playing the long game and most people eat it up.

(In comparison, DC can’t seem to get its act together enough to release a second Superman film much less think about tackling the Herculean feat of putting together a Justice League movie. )

The Incredible Hulk is a better than average superhero movie. The acting is decent, the story acceptable and the director was wise enough to give a fairly paint-by-numbers interpretation of the Hulk story. But despite all the guns and the smashing you can’t help but feel that this film lacks a little heart and soul. That’s what the Hulk is all about isn’t it? He may look like a monster and act out inappropriately, but in the end he’s a scared little boy just trying to find a little peace.

You won’t walk away hating this movie but I guarantee there’s very little about it that will stick with you.

We’ve seen it all before.

Speechification: The Reckoning

Final speech for class. It is what it is.

Tonight's the last class and then I get my summer back!

***

In May of 2007 my mother was diagnosed with Stage III Non-Hodgkin’s Follicular Lymphoma. And if that sounds like a mouthful, let me assure you, it is. But, every word of that name helps to describe exactly what this disease is and what it is doing to her.

But you might know what I’m talking about by a different name.

I’m talking about cancer.

Scary, isn’t it?

Today I'm here to talk to you about the type of cancer my mother has. I’ll break the elements of this disease down for you, discuss effective treatment options and give you a snapshot about cancer care in Ontario.

Let’s begin.

The Canadian Cancer Society describes cancer as a disease that starts in our cells. When a cell is functioning normally it grows, does the job it is supposed to do, replicates itself and then dies. However, in cancerous cells, genetic errors disrupt the normal process of cell replication and the cells are unable to stop reproducing themselves. This uncontrolled replication begins to form growths in a person’s body that we've come to know as cancer.

What is Lymphatic cancer then? Lymphoma is the most common blood cancer known to us. The Lymphoma Research Foundation identifies it as a cancer of the white blood cells, which are also known as lymphocytes. These lymphocytes are located in a person’s lymphatic system, which is a transport system, similar to your veins, for fluids in your body that help it to fight infections.

There are two major white blood cell types. B cell lymphocytes, which develop into antibodies that help fight infections, and T cell lymphocytes that attack foreign bodies, such as bacteria or viruses, directly. Cancer causes these white blood cells in your lymphatic system to grow in an uncontrolled manner. Follicular lymphoma is a particularly slow growing type of cancer, associated with B-lymphocytes, and is often found in middle aged and older adults.

Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma is the most prevalent type of Lymphatic cancer. This type of cancer begins in the lymph nodes, which are tiny little pods in your lymphatic system filled with those white blood cells. Since your lymphatic system runs throughout your entire body it can act as a transport method allowing cancerous blood cells to move throughout your body, potentially infecting other areas.

Now I mentioned earlier that my mother has Stage III Non-Hodgkins Follicular Lymphoma.

Lymphoma Research Canada states that Stage I means that the cancer is located in a single region with very few, if any, outward symptoms

Stage II indicates that the cancer is located in two separate areas of the lymphatic system. Both areas are confined to one side of the diaphragm, either above it or below it.

Stage III says that the cancer has spread to both sides of the diaphragm. This indicates that the disease has traveled a larger distance and has been present for a longer period of time.

Stage IV, the most serious stage, indicates that the cancer has spread beyond the lymphatic system and now involves one or more major organs.

So now you know what Stage III Non-Hodgkins Follicular Lymphoma is, a slow growing cancer of the lymphatic system that also affects the body’s ability to make antibodies. As I mentioned previously, every word of this disease tells us a little bit about what it is and how it operates.

But enough with the doom and gloom, lets talk about how you can beat this cancer.

Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma patients are fortunate that this particular strain of cancer is often highly susceptible to many of the treatment options modern medicine has available to combat it.

The two main types of treatment for this form of cancer are Chemotherapy and radiation therapy.

Chemotherapy, or chemo, uses powerful medications, delivered intravenously or through pills, that kill cancer cells and prevent their growth. Chemo is a systemic cancer treatment which means it affects the whole body. According to the Canadian Cancer Society Chemotherapy targets and kills rapidly growing cells, just like cancer. Unfortunately there are a number of normal, healthy cells in your body that also rapidly reproduce and chemo is unable to differentiate between these cells and the cancerous ones. That means that chemo can negatively affect healthy cells as well, which is why this treatment option has so many side effects like hair loss, nausea, weight loss and vomiting.

Unlike chemotherapy radiation therapy is a localized treatment that only affects the area where the cancer is growing. Radiation therapy works by bombarding the cancer with high energy x-rays that kills cancerous cells by affecting their ability to repair themselves. Unfortunately, just like chemo, radiation therapy cannot differentiate between cancerous cells and healthy ones and may adversely affect these healthy cells as well. Like chemo, radiation therapy may also have some adverse physical reactions including hair loss, weight loss, nausea and diarrhea. One of the more unpleasant aspects of radiation therapy is that by bombarding your body with x-rays you potentially leave yourself open to developing other forms of cancer, such as skin, breast or thyroid cancer.

Now that I’ve talked a little about the specifics of this disease and the treatment options available to combat it I’d like to take a moment and give you a snapshot about cancer care in this province.


According to Cancer Care Ontario, this province is in the middle of a good news/bad news scenario when it comes to delivering on cancer treatments.
The good news is that patients needing radiation therapy to combat their disease will find that their wait times have dropped. In the last few years wait times for access to radiation therapy has dropped 31%, from six weeks in 2003 to 4.1 weeks in 2006 and this trend continues towards even shorter wait times.

Unfortunately for patients requiring a systemic approach to cancer treatment, specifically chemotherapy, the news isn't as encouraging. Despite the fact that the province has nearly doubled its commitment to funding treatments, from 73 million in 2003 to 176 million in 2007, the wait times for chemeo treatments continue to remain stagnant. Many Ontario patients still wait between 25 to 38 days before receiving access to chemo treatments.


This is because the sheer number of people afflicted with this disease continues to grow. Every year approximately 63,000 new cancer cases are diagnosed in this province. To put that in perspective for you that means, in one year, the equivalent of half the population of a city the size of Oshawa was diagnosed with some form of cancer in this province.

When I decided to give a speech on this topic I wasn't sure how I'd be able to handle the occasion
Finding out that one of your parents is sick can be an earth shaking event. You hear the word cancer and your mind conjures up a list of seemingly endless doomsday scenarios.

It's terrifying.

But this is supposed to be an information speech, and the information contained within this speech doesn't frighten me so much anymore, it gives me hope.

I've talked a bit about the type of cancer my mother has. The name 'Stage III Non-Hodgkins Follicular Lymphoma' sounds like the end of the world. But when you break it down you find out that this particular strain of the disease is slow growing, easily treatable and a very common form of cancer.

I've talked about the forms of treatment my mother has available to her. Chemotherapy and radiations treatments are serious business with significant potential side effects. But the bottom line is that they've been proven to work.

And finally, I've talked a bit about the state of cancer treatment in Ontario which, while not perfect yet, shows an awareness and a willingness by government to investment in the equipment, treatment options and manpower necessary to successfully fight this illness

It's been over a year now since my mother's diagnosis and I'm happy to report that she is nearly symptom free. Her cancer is growing so slowly that, in the near term, her doctors have chosen a very conservative course of treatment for her.

This trial isn't over but I feel confident that we will continue to band together as a family, and as a family, we will beat this.

Thank you.

You wouldn't like me when I'm angry...

We had a wedding shower on Saturday, which wasn’t exactly glitch free. In fact it was the exact opposite of glitch free. It wasn’t the number of glitches that was the problem, (one), it was the severity of said glitch.

Our condo corporation double booked the ‘party’ room we were holding the shower in.

Actually, it’s a little more complicated than that. S booked the room about three months ago. We were under the impression, the absolutely correct impression, that we only had to pay for the room on the day of the event. So our name was put on the calendar as having booked the room and, having read the flippin condo regulations about reserving the room, we assumed that was all there was to it. At least until the day of the shower.

Then apparently a couple of days before the shower, someone else showed up, cheque in hand, and wanted the room. So the super did a little quick math, cheque today versus cheque three days from now, and made a choice. Rather than drop us a quick call or email and let us know another party was trying to book the room the super took our name off the calendar, replaced it with the new guys name and presumably cashed their cheque.

Big mistake.

What I love about S is that she is kind and selfless, almost to a fault. When we visit friends with kids she’ll always bring a toy or a colouring book for their children. She’ll bend over backwards to accommodate someone at work if they’re looking for a shift change. She’ll work a 12 hour shift at the hospital and then stop off at the comic store for me if I can’t make it that day. She’s always offering to make some snack for every social get together we attend.

But you never, EVER, screw her over. Or you’ll regret it.

My baby don’t take no crap.

Needless to say the super got a new a-hole ripped into them.

In a last minute flurry of activity we transformed our tiny townhouse into shower central. Some shower guests were able to bring us chairs and with a little creative organization we were able to fit everyone in, reasonably comfortably. And by the end of the day the morning’s crisis was transformed into ‘that thing we can laugh about now.’

But it didn’t end there. Our next door neighbour happens the condo corp president. By chance S caught him on his patio yesterday and explained what had happened. Apparently our super’s contract isn’t being renewed in the fall exactly because of things like this. We aren’t the only people to have been screwed over by the super’s dropped balls.

So while everything worked out all right in the end, it made for a couple of tense hours on Saturday morning.

On the plus side our fridge is full of left over food, including an entire cake, and I got to see the Incredible Hulk (review forthcoming) while the shower was taking place. Not a bad Saturday when you get down to it.

Faulk off.

Six sentence comic book reviews

Six sentence comic book reviews. Where I try to summarize and analyze what happened this week in comic books. And you try to pretend you give a damn.

Trinity #3

I want my Gangbuster, Gangbuster, Gangbuster back.
I want my Gangbuster, Gangbuster, Gangbuster back.
I want my Gangbuster, Gangbuster, Gangbuster back.
It’s telling that the element I enjoyed most about this issue is the probable return of a decade gone supporting character from the Super-titles. I could sit and watch Bags draw the entire DC Universe and not complain. But right now I don’t feel that this title has a clear identity and direction beyond ‘this is our trinity and they are important.’

Anna Mercury #2

Um, WTF? Despite evidence to the contrary I’m not a stupid man. But Ellis has thrown out so much techno-babble in this issue that I barely have any idea what’s going on. Apparently there are other worlds in orbit around Earth and Anna Mercury’s job is to hop between them and make sure that everything is going along just tickety-boo. I’d tell you more but I had to re-read the obligatory exposition scene so many times that I just kind of zoned out trying to make sense of it all. When I came to again I had apparently broken my keyboard by trying to repeatedly force my forehead through it.

Hellblazer #245

I have some fairly significant holes in my Hellblazer collection. Which means that, while I understand the broad strokes of what happened in John Constantine’s past, I’m sometimes a little short on the specifics. This issue follows “Behind the Music” as they explore Constantine’s old stomping grounds from his time fronting the punk band Muscous Membrane. The whole thing comes across like a stereotypical horror movie. The TV crew engages in sex, drugs and rock and roll and one by one, like so many Star Trek red shirts, their minds begin to fall prey to the machinations of some unseen monster. It’s an interesting enough idea but unfortunately the execution is a little below the standards I’ve come to expect from this title.

The Brave and the Bold #14

Deadman and Green Arrow team up to take on some disembodied-skeleton terrorist types hell bent on world domination. Mark Waid and Scott Kolins turn in a respectable effort at what feels like a filler-plus story. I find that the greatest strength of team-up titles are also their biggest weakness. It’s all about finding a convenient excuse to slap two disparate characters together in an adventure that is guaranteed to have no effect on either’s current status quo. On that note, what’s up with Deadman these days? I think he’s a vastly underused character that would fit in particularly well on a team like JLA or JSA who may be looking for a hero with some sort of affinity for magic and the underworld.

Justice League of America #22

Vixen? Full frontal chest shot.

Black Canary, Chairwoman of the JLA? Ass shot.

Reading comic books shouldn’t make me feel like I’m trying to peak at the centerfold of a nudie mag. I don’t even know how Wonder Woman’s body can contort like that on the cover anyway, showing both her chest and her butt.

That’s it for this post. Now go forth, read comics and lets all agree to meet up here at the same time next week.

Boo-friggity-hoo

I’ve been re-examining my relationship with Ultimate Frisbee, that fickle bitch, for the last couple weeks or so.

It hasn’t been fun times for me on the Frisbee circuit lately.

Back in April I was complaining about how most of the people I started out playing the game with have had to retire or move on to other things. As I continue to play without them I realize how lucky I was to fall in with the group in first place. I might never have stuck with the game through those gawd-awful first months, where I was fat, out of shape and coughing up the remnants of my lungs after a decade of huffing the smokes, without the camaraderie and spirit the originals brought to the sport.

We were never, EVER, powerhouses but we won enough games to keep us happy and we were always competitive enough to at least challenge the other teams.

I play twice a week in the warmer months. This summer I joined a Tuesday team that’s a little more competitive than most. But in order to inflate some of our numbers a little, and mitigate our playing costs, we picked up some players who can’t at the same level as the bulk of the team. That means the handlers on the team avoid passing to them if they can avoid it. This, rightly so, leads to hurt feelings, bruised egos and team friction. So instead of tipping a pint or two after the game we all sullenly slink back to our cars and repeat the whole process again next week.

I captain Thursday’s team which is a sort of Longshot’s lite. Over the last four years we’ve been adding a new player here and a new player there and now I’m the only one left from the original group. This new group lacks the cohesion of the original bunch. They come or go as they please and quite often the team is very different from season to the next. We’re barely one step up from a bunch of individuals who’ve just gotten together to form a team. And right now we’re losing, a lot…and badly to boot.

After a great winter finish we had our traditional turnover and we lost a couple of out better players. This means that we can’t compete like we used to. So people are less interested in coming out or sticking around and it’s getting hard to keep anyone with any skill around. Add to the fact that the Thursday fields are as hard as hell to get to and people just don’t want to bother with having to struggle to get to a game they’re destined to get their ass kicked at anyway. It wears them down mentally.

I don’t have to win. I just want to be competitive.

We’re a rec team in an intermediate division.

So what can I do? Right now I’m speaking to people well in advance about putting together a fall team. I’m not writing off this season, but if I want to avoid another stinker I need to start lining things up now.

And on Thursday I’m going to call in every ringer I can. If I can get some serious handlers and players to come out then maybe we can start being competitive again and turn people’s spirits around. I’m also going to try to switch divisions so that we can play on fields that are a little more accessible.

It may not work, it may fail horribly and I could find myself in an even worse situation when the fall comes around. If that’s the case I’m going to need to blow up the team and see if I’m lucky enough to strike gold as an individual (avec S of course) a second time out.

We shall see.

Next up, Baby Faulk

Congratualations to baby sis.

On Tuesday her boyfriend (now fiance) M got down on one knee and popped the question. Now it looks like next summer there'll be another wedding in the family. At least this time I'll have the luxury of not having to work nearly as hard on it.

(Those making the observation that I'm not working very hard now are asked to please leave the room)

Even though my own upcoming nuptuals aren't far in the offing it gobsmacks me that baby sis can be this close to tying the knot. The last thing my mother used to say to me when I went out the front door to school was "make sure you look after your sisters." Even though neither sister has needed me to look out for them in quite some time I'm still enormously protective of them both.

Congrats again baby sis, and just remember, whatever happens to me on my wedding by your hand will surely be revisited to you, ten-fold.

Some things, never change.

The greatest ego deflater in the world.

Argh.

Nothing sucks worse than spending three months on something, pitching ideas, sheperding it through a highly critical committee, chasing photos, chasing copy, liasing with the designer, doing endless editing, stick handling your ideas through a multitude of highly focused personalities, meeting every stage of your accelerated deadline, smoothing aggrieved egos, pulling a fresh clean copy out of the box, handing it out to the office, heart brimming with pride...and then being emailed twice in half an hour by different people who located the same typo.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, that's disheartening.

Muzak: No, Virginia...(Pt. 2, A Review)

No, Virginia… by the Dresden Dolls was released on May 20, 2008. Although I had to wait a bit longer than that because I ordered directly from the band in order to get a signed liner note. (faaaaaanboy) Apparently not considered a full-on studio album, No, Virginia… is made up of the left over bits from their previous album, Yes, Virginia…, and a small recording session the band did early in 2008.

So why yesterdays confusing preamble for a quick album review post?

It’s all about artist growth my friend.

The Dresden Dolls first release essentially was essentially about all the left-over angst and pain of a previous relationship. The album is one giant cathartic fuck you to whoever was stupid enough to screw over the band’s leader singer (Amanda Palmer). Its pain, its anguish, its anger, it’s tenderness, it’s the closest you’ll thing you’ll find to a digital soul.

After the album’s release I found that subsequent music from the band lacked much of the anguish, but none of thepassion. Unlike Tori, who buried her demons so far down that her musical fingerprint was completely changed, the Dolls choose to refocus their incredible energy into their music, allowing the band to grow musically but still retaining their core sound. And that’s part of why I admire this band so much.

Core sound is a huge pet peeve for me. I’m all for artists experimenting creatively with their muse of choice. It’s a necessary and crucial step for anyone. But I’m uncomfortable when

a) they push their sound so far that I can’t recognize what it is that attracted me to their music in the first place.

b) they experiment with being avant-garde just for the sake of it, with no thought whatsoever to whether people actually have any interest in going down that particular path.

I take in a respectable amount of alternative media, stuff that will never find a large audience, but nothing pisses me off more than watching or listening to an unintelligible, opaque vanity piece that no one beside the artist is allowed to understand. I don’t need a road map but at least give me a decent shot at unraveling the message.

Anyway, No, Virginia… neatly tracks the Dolls artistic growth while allowing them to strike out in new directions.

I always categorize Dolls’ songs in two ways, sparse and moody or frenetic and up-tempo. Traditionally I haven’t been as enthused with songs in the key of the former but this album seems to hold all the exceptions that prove the rule. No, Virginia… has all the musical highs of any Dolls album and absolutely none of the lows.

Bar one.

The Dolls cover of persistent 80’s favourite, Pretty in Pink, hurts my ears so badly I want to make the pain go away by shoving a screwdriver into my brain. I don’t blame the band, even the Dresden Dolls can’t make a pig turd smell like Chanel No. 5. This is a song I was genetically pre-disposed to hate, no matter who sings it.

It’s hard to tell you why you should listen to this album. The phrase “It’s absolutely amazing Brechtian Punk” will mean nothing to you unless you’re already a fan of the sound. So let me clue you in, it’s punk piano playing, the likes you never seen, pounding drums and, for a change, they’ve even thrown in some light guitar this time out. It’s a pair of musicians who do their level best to leave a little bit of themselves on the recording. It’s for those who are interested in music that doesn’t always play it safe.

The best songs on the album are Dear Jenny, Night Reconnaissance, Mouse and the Model and The Kill. That’s a pretty extensive cross section of the album, but one that highlights all of the band’s strengths.

But don’t just take my word for it…

Muzak: No, Virginia...(Pt. 1 Prelude to a Review)

I loves me some Tori Amos.

From 1992 to 1998 I was privileged enough to be able to hear four amazing studio albums from her, plus a plethora of singles, remixes and side projects. It was some of the most powerful music I have ever known.

She was very much a product of her musical era, a 90’s singer/songwriter, showing off the softer, but no less tortured, side of grunge/alternative.

Then, in 1998, she seemed to make peace with many of her inner demons and her music went from soul-searing to light and breezy, and I lost my connection to her.

I enjoy female singers much more than I enjoy male ones. I touched on part of the reason for that in my Weezer Red album review. I find the majority of male-fronted musical ventures, who even touch on the subject of love, to be nothing more than sad, sappy bastards who waste my time moaning about how much they love some unobtainable woman.

I spent the majority of my late teens and early twenties doing the same thing so I fail to see the appeal. Why should I pay to hear some wanna-be rockstar complain about how, when he waves around his popularity and a fistful of cash, some groupie doesn’t throw herself at his feet fast enough. Gee I can totally relate to that scenario.

Pass.

So I found myself gravitating to female artists, the angrier the better.

Which is where I stumbled onto the Dresden Dolls. They opened for NIN at a concert about four years ago. I generally try to avoid opening acts like the bubonic plague but I’d made an exception for this one because I wanted to be as close to the stage as possible when Trent and Co. made their appearance.

Watching the Dolls (Amanda Palmer and Brian Viglione) play on stage that night was akin to listening to Little Earthquakes for the first time. I’ve seen plenty of concerts and watched lots of musicians strut and preen but I’d never seen someone actually play themselves to the point of collapse before. This wasn’t music it was a live exorcism. There was a demon in that keyboard goddamit and Palmer was going to get that thing out of there if she had to rip it apart with her bare hands.

Hells yah.

I was sold. I had my Tori back. I had the anger, the passion and the sheer human pathos digitally etched into my brain. This is what I wanted out of my music.

So I bought the album, played it all day, every day, for about a month, drove my roommate at the time abso-friggin-lutely nuts and thanked my stars that I’d been lucky enough to find the Dresden Dolls.

Muzak: Weezer (Red)

What makes Rivers Cuomo a good songwriter? Well in my eyes it’s his ability to take simple song concepts, that have been subject to every hoary cliché since caveman first started banging sticks together, and elevate them to something greater. He’s just as likely to talk about a missed romantic opportunity as a baseball allegory or, I don’t know, a treatise on land rights claims by Native Americans.

The point is you don’t have to listen to a bunch of whiny, crying ‘why doesn’t she love me, I love her’ b.s.

Which is a GOOD thing.

It’s been three years since I’ve had the good fortune to be graced with another Weezer studio album. 2005’s Make Believe was one of the band’s strongest releases to date with a sound reminiscent of a more polished version of their debut album.

So does their sixth album, Red, stand up?

Well after putting the album on repeat on my iPod for almost a week, I’d have to say…pretty well. After all these years the band still retains their core sound. It’s pure Weezer all the way and even a passing fan will enjoy the music. Songs like Pork and Beans and Everybody Get Dangerous seem almost familiar, built around Weezer’s traditional growling guitars, driving drumbeats and Cuomo’s tongue in cheek lyrical stylings.

And while I don’t find they’ve gone out of their way on this album to push creative boundaries they’ve still gone a bit further than the average bear would. I recommend The Greatest Man That Ever Lived and Heartsongs. It took me a little while to get into both of these songs but once I did I found they retained a cultish appeal that some of the album’s more format friendly tunage lacks.

So where does this album stand in a completely subjective ranking with their other work?

…Something like this.

1. Pinkerton
2. Make Believe
3. Blue
4. Green
5. Red
6. Maladroit

So yah. It’s not their greatest album. But that doesn’t mean it’s a bad album by any stretch of the imagination (Maladroit I’m looking at you). But after a couple days I found myself skipping over some songs and that’s a sure sign that you’re never going to get into Chris’ personal musical hall of fame.

So in the end, a solid album, even a good album, but not a great album. I’d recommend it to hardcore and casual fans alike, but I suspect that aside from one or two singles that this album isn’t going to be big with general population.

Six sentence comic book reviews

That’s right true believers, if I can’t review an issue of my weekly crack habit in exactly six sentences I’ll not only refund you all your money back, I’ll double it!

Action Comics #866

Hey, it’s the return of Brianiac: Version 833 squared to the fourth decimal place! Or at least that’s what Geoff Johns wants us to believe. Honestly, who knows anymore? Brainiac, to me, is one character who’s been changed so often that it’s impossible to have a definitive version of him anymore. Every time they settle on an interpretation I enjoy another writer comes along and revamps him. Gary Frank, you do gooooooooood penciling, a nice blend of pre-COIE Braniac influences with a modern touch.

Booster Gold #10

What the, Mr. Mind is back, again?! Reusing his own plot device from the somewhat successful weekly series, 52, Geoff Johns reveals that the evil genius responsible for forming the Time Stealers is a demented caterpillar. Either Johns is co-opting Mr. M as a Booster Gold villain or he's running a little low on ideas. But if ain’t broke don’t fix it. The next to last issue of Johns run on BG wherein our titular hero tries to fix time, rescue his pal Blue Beetle II and become a real superhero. I approve.

Trinity #2

You know what? I’m digging this series. I’ve always had a deep admiration for Mark Bagley’s art and Kurt Busiek is no slouch at writing a decent spandex slugfest. It’s nice to see Bags penciling something other than Spider-man for a change. My biggest beef so far is that for a title showcasing DC’s big three the cover art work, and series logo, falls a little flat. How about rotating in some high caliber cover artists to keep things fresh and coming up with a logo that does this series justice?

Invincible #50

I’m a late convert to this series. So I’m sure anything I’d have to add to an analysis of it has already been said elsewhere. But what the hell, it’s my g.d. blog. Reading this book feels like what it must have been like to read Spider-man in it’s early days. It’s always fun, fresh and absolutely free of the grim and gritty superheroes that seem to be populating my comic books. With Invincible’s upcoming costume change it almost reads like this series is a self-referential, tongue-in-cheek take on the traditional story arcs of decades old superheroes.

That’s round one in the bag. I’m hoping the six sentence review structure will force me to be concise and timely in my reviews. But then again, I hope that working out keeps me slim and in shape, instead of just giving me excuses to crummy foods. So, y’know, my standards are all over the place.

Sell crazy someplace else...

So this weekend I'm participating in the Relay for Life, which is a fundraiser for the Canadian Cancer Society.

Those who know me, even just in passing, know that I abhor walking. I view it as a massive waste of time. The only thing I hate more than walking is running. If you're walking for excercise, there are more enjoyable methods of keeping fit. If you're walking because you like the scenery, well I can't help you there.

Which is a shame, because S is a huge fan of walks and she has to put up with my sulky ass self every time she manages to convince me to join her on one.

So it's a little out of character for me to participate in event that's made ENTIRELY OUT OF WALKING.

The relay for life is a twelve hour event, 7pm Friday night to 7am Saturday morning. You don't have to walk for the whole thing but since my sisters are going to try to tough it out, I'm going to attempt it as well. We're competitive like that.

That means this will officially be the only fundraiser that bases itself on this.

Anyway, its for a good cause, one that's close to my heart. Thanks in advance to S for helping with my fundraising and my apologies to all those who will have listen to my perpetual bitching, before, during and after the event.

Like drilling through your brain with a jagged ruler

Hey Chris.

Yah?

What's the laziest post you can think of?

How about a rough draft outline of a speech I did for class. Perhaps the dullest thing you'll ever read. I'm thinking of marketing it for insomniacs.

That'll do pig.


Topic: To advocate for the construction of a new downtown highway in the city of Toronto

Central idea: A new downtown highway will greatly improve the city’s economic backbone and allow Toronto to meet the needs of the local population.

I. The creation of a highway that connects to downtown Toronto will relieve traffic congestion and result in shortened commuting times. These faster commutes will have a positive environmental impact and help to increase the quality of life for many people living in the Greater Toronto Area.

a. By reducing the number of cars idling in Toronto’s stop and go traffic we will decrease the number of smog days in the city and see tangible economic and health related benefits.

i. Toronto Public Health (TPH) estimates that over 1,700 people die each year as a result of air pollution. Another 6,000 people are admitted to hospitals for the same reason.

ii. The Ontario Medical Association (OMA) estimates that it costs the province 150 million dollars in health care costs and 128 million dollars in lost productivity each year due to air pollution.

b. There will also be significant improvements to commuter quality of life. A downtown highway will allow commuters to spend more time at home with their families and less time traveling.

i. A recent report by the Toronto Star outlined a number of health risks associated with lengthy commutes, including sleep deprivation and compromised judgment under high level of stress.

ii. This same Toronto Star report highlighted the significant loss of time commuters were able to spend with their families due to their excessively long commute times. A downtown highway will help to return some of the necessary time families spend together.

II. There are also significant advantages to having a downtown highway for local businesses, commercial carriers and downtown residents.

a. A downtown Toronto highway will give better access to the city for local businesses and farmers, giving area residents increased access to high quality goods at lower prices.

i. Increased transportation infrastructure will allow local area farmers to get their product to Toronto’s markets more quickly, ensuring less spoilage.

ii. Better access to Toronto markets will result in lower transportation costs for producers (refrigeration, etc). These savings will be subsequently reflected in the price.

b. Increased Toronto transportation infrastructure will give consumers greater access to goods in a timely and reliable fashion, without unnecessary delays and additional costs.

i. In 2006 Transport Canada estimated that congestion costs the country between 2.3 billion dollars to 3.7 billion dollars annually. These costs are initially absorbed by the freight transportation industry before being passed on to consumers. A downtown highway will help to relieve local area congestion and ensure consumer costs are kept low.

ii. Increased transportation infrastructure will help to keep consumer prices low because of less fuel consumption by commercial carriers.

III. A downtown Toronto highway will have a considerable economic impact on the region by creating jobs and supporting improved access to variety of local industries.

a. A highway will help boost the economy by creating new employment opportunities.

i. Initially there will be an influx of temporary jobs, first through environmental assessments and planning and then, more significantly, in the construction phase.

ii. Over the long term a new highway will create job opportunities in highway maintenance and repair, law enforcement and snow removal.

b. Improved transportation access will also benefit Toronto and regional industries.

i. Toronto’s tourist, entertainment and sporting industries will have more reliable access to local populations.

ii. Toronto residents will have better access to cottage country and other nearby out of town destinations.

Movie Review: Revolver

Oh man,

There’s busy and then there’s busy. I’ve got so many half-written posts in the hopper I’m starting to wonder if I might have ADD. There are wedding updates, movie reviews, new album reviews and about three weeks worth of comics reviews that are now massively out of date.

But instead of taking the time to clear some of these things up, I’m going to devote my lunch hour to reviewing a film that’s almost three years old, that I just saw last night.

You want current and relevant? Read a paper. I give you whatever is kicking around in my head at the moment.

So today I’m going to review Revolver.

Revolver is Guy Ritchie’s third film and I first heard of it about three years ago when it was playing at the Toronto International Film Festival. Unfortunately, due to the eternal scheduling dance that always accompanies film fests I wasn’t able to see it then. I wasn’t too worried because I figured that after the success of Snatch and Lock, Stock… that Revolver was likely to show up at my local Cineplex before too long.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. Revolver winged its way silently back across the pond, opened for European audiences and then went quietly went to video, never bothering to open up in North America. Hardly a ringing endorsement for must-see status.

But when I saw it on the videostore shelf on Saturday, I couldn’t help myself. I was in the mood for some stylized violence and I’d already pigeonholed Guy Ritchie as a director with more sizzle than steak.

After watching this film, I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Now I’ll be honest. The bulk of this movie is somewhat incomprehensible. On one level it’s a fairly straightforward gangster flick, full of bloodletting, drug dealing and power struggles only grafted onto an unseen story that feels much…bigger. Jason Statham plays the cryptic Jake Green, a gambler and a con man recently released from prison and looking to enact revenge on the man who put him there, Macha (Ray Liotta). However, Jake’s plans go awry when he discovers that he has a rare blood disease that only gives him days to live. In desperation he turns to Zach and Avi, two mysterious loan sharks who promise to help him if he offers his complete obedience.

There’s something off about this movie, something that you can feel from the first scene but you can’t put your finger on it. It’s clear the film is strictly following its own internal logic, but as the viewer I had a hard time understanding what that logic may be.

S and I went through, and discarded, half a dozen possible theories…

“Jake is dead…or in a coma”

“Zach and Avi are angels”

“Zach and Avi are demons”

“Jake is a big crime lord”

“Jake is creating the world around him, just like Dark City”

In the end the big twist is both much simpler and yet far more complicated than any theory we were able to come up with. I was reminded of Fight Club in the sense that you can completely re-interpret every previous scene in film after the climatic big reveal. It made me instantly want to watch the whole movie again, from the start, just so I could look at it through a new perspective and that NEVER happens to me.

I know from some of the special features on the disc that Guy Ritchie had to re-edit several key scenes. He was intimately familiar with the unspoken twist that underpinned the whole film and had to strike a delicate balance between giving the audience enough information to keep them interested and giving them too much information and blowing the payoff. I think, in the end he managed to strike the appropriate balance as best he could.

If I have any criticism of the film its that I spent too much time trying to part the surface story and discover the hidden messages underneath. The surface plot, while engaging, clearly exists only to serve the needs of the hidden philosophical themes. And while the payoff at the end makes it all worthwhile it can be a little trying to make it through the often murky gangster story to achieve that brilliant moment of clarity.

But on the whole Guy Ritchie made me think more about this film than I ever thought would be possible. It’s a shame that it never made it into North American theatres as audiences are definitely missing out on something special.

Well played Guy. Well played.

BONUS REVIEW: This just in. The title of the new Indiana Jones movie has been changed to Indiana Jones and the Fourth Straight Movie Ruined by George Lucas.

No word of a lie.

Speechify

Bleh.

Speech last night didn't go as well as I'd hoped. Deliverly wise I didn't get any negative feedback. But I came in at 4 minutes on a 5 minute speech. Which wasn't good, considering that I'd be coming in a 4.5 minutes during rehearsal. And that was without my visual aids.

So either I raced through the speech like a small town driver on a back road or I jettisoned a fifth of my speech.

Query. Which is worse, being a minute short, or two minutes over? I'm inclined to say the former.

Anyway here's the speech.

I’ve been playing Ultimate Frisbee for a little over four years now and I’m often asked to run down the basics of the game to interested individuals. The best way I’ve found to describe the sport is that it’s a combination between basketball and football, only played with a Frisbee disc.

Like basketball, Ultimate Frisbee teams place five players on the field. Each individual player is allowed to have contact with, handle and throw the disc in any direction they choose. However, a key departure between Ultimate Frisbee and basketball is that when a player is in possession of a disc they must have one foot planted on the ground at all times. Players are absolutely not allowed to run with the disc.

Ultimate Frisbee’s football influences come primarily from the makeup of the field the game is played on, as well as how points are scored during the game. As in football, there is larger a field of play sandwiched between two smaller end zones. Players attempt to move the disc up and down the field of play towards the other team’s end zone. Teams acquire a single point at a time by catching the disc in the opposing team’s end zone.

Now that I’ve outlined the basics of how they game is played I’m going to demonstrate the three most common throws.

The first throw is called the backhand and I imagine that its one most people in the class might recognize. The backhand is the simplest throw there is in the game. If you’re tossing a disc at a picnic or just goofing around with friends, chances are you’re throwing the backhand.

To throw the backhand a player will curl all their fingers underneath the lip of the disc and hold it in firmly in place with their thumb on the Frisbee’s topside. To release the disc the player moves their arm across the front of their body and releases the Frisbee with a flick of their wrist just shy of their arm’s maximum extension. This is the most powerful way to throw a backhand. To achieve more accuracy from their throw a player will place their index finger along the rim of the disc. This will make the throw less powerful, but it gives the thrower more control when they release it. The backhand throw is best used for beginning players.

After mastering the backhand most players often choose to learn the forehand throw, more commonly know as the flick. To throw a flick simply make a ‘V’ with your index and middle finger, just like a 60‘s style peace sign. Tuck your middle finger firmly under the rim of the disc and once again the disc is sandwiched firmly in place by your thumb. To release the disc tuck your elbow into your side, rotate your arm so that your wrist faces upward and let go of the disc with a firm snapping motion of your wrist. The majority of the power in this throw comes from your wrist. There should be very little, if any, actual movement of your arm. The flick is the best all-purpose throw in the game, easily thrown over a variety of distances with varying degrees of power.

Now the biggest drawback to these first two throws is that they are released roughly parallel to the field you are playing on. What this means is that if I want to make a backhand throw or a forehand throw to one of my teammates in the end zone I need to make sure there are no opposing players between me and him. Otherwise the chances are fairly high that the opposing player will catch the disc instead of my teammate and we’ll lose possession of the Frisbee.

This is where the third throw I’m going to discuss today comes in, the hammer. To throw a hammer a player grips the disc just like the flick. But that is where the similarity ends. To release a hammer throw the player holds the disc overtop their head at a 90 degree angle, like a plastic Mohawk, and makes a quick cutting motion with their wrist, releasing the Frisbee just in front of their forehead. The hammer is not a very accurate throw and is only really used for larger distances. The major upside to the hammer is that players are able to throw the disc down the entire length of the field, overtop of the heads of their opponents, giving skilled throwers a distinct advantage in playing the game.

Now that you’ve seen the basic throws used in Ultimate Frisbee maybe I’ve enticed you to give the game itself a shot.

I certainly hope so.

Thank you.

Back in the saddle again.

I was away last week at a work conference.

So my posting accordingly dropped to nil.

I'm spending today rotating between editing the second draft of the mag, which looks great, and putting the finishing touches on my second in-class speech. The designer always gives me some initial push back on magazine related editing critiques but then turns in the best re-edits.

That says more about his talent than it does about my edits. He makes my job so much easier.

Anyway tonight's speech is supposed to be a demonstration speech. Think cooking show or infomercial if you want to get a taste of what that entails. So I decided to speak about "The three most commonly used throws in Ultimate Frisbee."

Here's some raw material that I'll be using with the meat of the speech to come later.

Enjoy.

Or not.

The Backhand.

The Forehand (or Flick).

The Hammer.