Bell Fail

I have a better reason than most people to defend Bell Canada when it comes to their disinterested customer service, bumbling administrative practices, non-existent communication between departments (Phone, Internet, TV) and overall shoddy service.

Growing up, Bell helped put food on our table, so I’ve always been inclined to cut them a little slack and treat their seemingly inevitable mistakes like you would the cherished family pet that’s grown a little long in the tooth.

Shucks, so what if Spot just piddled all over the floor, remember when he was a puppy and used to sleep at the foot of your bed? Gosh, that was cute.

S has had so many problems with Bell over the years that she flat out refuses to deal with them anymore. If it was up to her we would have switched all our services over to Rogers years ago.

It’s only out of my misplaced sense of loyalty that we have stuck with Bell after their many, many screw ups.

And it’s not just S. I’ve never met anyone with something good to say about Bell. So for years I have stood up for the company, despite the horror stories from my friends and my own less than stellar experiences with the company.

I justified my actions by fooling myself into thinking that all big telecom companies must have these kinds of problems. Otherwise customers, fed up with being treated like nuisances instead of assets, would simply have defected en masse to another company, right?

Wrong.

It’s time to realize that despite all the warm fuzzy memories you might have of Spot that your house smells like piss and your carpets are ruined.

Its time to say goodbye to Bell Canada.

Now it’s important to mention that I don’t have anything bad to say about most of the individuals I’ve dealt with at Bell. For the most part they are helpful, pleasant people simply trying to do their job from within the confines of a bloated bureaucracy.

It’s not the customer service reps that are the problem, it’s the god damn customer service.

This story deals with the trials and many tribulations I had dealing with Bell Canada and their inability to move my current services to a new address.

I’m sorry, but there’s no easy way to condense 15plus phone calls into an easily understood narrative. What started out as a simple move order quickly descended into series of marathon phone calls; in which if I wasn’t correcting some error they made (with steadily eroding patience), it was listening to their eternals sales pitches and snippets of elevator music while languishing in the infernal limbo known as ‘being on hold.’

Timeline of events.

1. Call Bell a month before the move to arrange the moving our home phone, internet and televisions services.

Snag #1: We want to keep our old phone number when we move to our new address, which apparently is some bureaucratic nightmare on their end that necessitates Bell calling us back to inform us if such an outlandish request can even be processed. Said call never comes.

Snag #2: Our television and internet service is currently run off the same box, Bell ExpressVu for condos. When we move to the new house these services will need to be split off from each other. From here on in, the TV will run off a PVR receiver and the internet will run off a modem. Never again shall these two services be joined in holy matrimony. This is less of a snag and more of a bureaucratic knot that needs to be untangled.

Snag #3: We need to cancel our television service outright and sign up again from scratch. This is because Bell ExpressVu for condos clearly doesn’t service homes and therefore we need to set up a new account if we want television service. Only, I’m not authorized to cancel our television account. Despite the television being in my name for the last two years and despite the fact that my name is on the bill every month I’m not authorized to close the account. No, because my wife made the initial call two years ago only she has the power to close the account.

And my wife doesn’t talk to Bell anymore, not after five straight months of consistently overcharging us, telling us the error had been noted in the computer and that the oversight would be corrected on the next bill. At which point dealing with Bell became my exclusive responsibility.

2. S calls Bell to cancel television service.

3. I call Bell to set up installation of new television service. At this point I think I should mention that when I call Bell it’s never me dealing with one person. No, I have to be shuttled to every individual department (Phone, Internet, TV) whereupon I’m expected to tell each Customer Service Rep my story from beginning to end, from who I am, to what I want and to when I want it.

And after every conversation I get the rep to repeat back to me what it is the conversation has been about and to confirm the particulars of the move order.

4. I call Bell back to confirm that we can port our number over to the new house. The customer service confirms that this is possible. I double check the details of our move order (with all the various departments) and sit back, secure in the knowledge that nothing can possibly go wrong.

5. A week later, when scanning my credit card bill, I notice Bell has charged me twice for the PVR I ordered to go along with our new television service. When I call them up to fix the error, they have no record of me setting up the new television service. Despite giving them my name, my current address, my new address and my credit card number it takes them 45 minutes to locate my file.

Once again I double check the details of our move order (with all the various departments) and sit back, secure in the knowledge that nothing else can possibly go wrong.

6. Bell Canada cuts off our phone service two days early, on a Saturday morning. Although she has a cellphone my wife prefers to use the home line. And in fact, this is the number that most people call us on.

Since we have people who need to get in touch with us regarding details of our impending move (and only know our home number) I call Bell’s emergency repair line, where I sit on hold, for a long, long time. Finally, when I reach a human being, I explain the situation. The rep tells me that he can have the phone turned on tomorrow morning. In reality, the phone service is activated the following night, roughly 12 hours before it was due to be disconnected anyway.

No credible reason is ever given for the early disconnection.

Once again I double check the details of our move order (with all the various departments) and sit back, secure in the knowledge that this time nothing else can possibly go wrong.

7. Bell cuts off our phone, TV and internet service promptly at the scheduled time. I call from work to confirm all our move information is on file. I confirm the details. I am not re-assured. Our phone and internet service is schedule to be set up two days later. A new modem is scheduled to arrive at the same time because the internet is no longer connected to the TV.
A tv technician is schedule to come out to our house in four days and install our television service.

8. The phone is not activated when it is supposed to be. The modem does not arrive. I call Bell inquiring why and I am informed that I apparently contacted the company and asked them to cancel the phone technician. I’m aghast. First of all, I didn’t even know we needed a phone technician to come out to our house. In fact, I was specifically told that the phone could be set up remotely, by flicking some switches somewhere else. And secondly, WHY ON EARTH WOULD I CANCEL THEM?

After some long baffling conversations with the CS Rep I also find out that they have no record of our ordering internet service at all.

Since I’m having this conversation from work I’m trying, and failing, to keep an even, reasonable tone of voice.

I arrange to have the internet set up and reschedule the phone tech.

As has become my habit. I confirm that the television tech is still scheduled to come tomorrow and install our tv. Unfortunately, they have no record of the order, until they find that the work order has somehow been mysteriously filed under my cell phone number. I hang up phone and cry quietly at my desk.

9. Ten minutes after I hang up the phone a Bell TV tech calls to confirm his appointment for later today. After correcting his error I begin to suspect I was a bad person in another life and this is karma’s way of balancing the scales.

10. The next day, my wife calls me from my house to say that the Bell tv technician is there but is unable to install the satellite as a tree blocks the dish’s line of sight. This is the only a reasonable explanation for a problem that I’ve heard from Bell yet.

However, the technician refuses to hand over the PVR we purchased, and were charged twice for, and recommends we call Rogers instead. Despite my wife’s insistence the PVR was ours and we bought it outright, he will not relinquish it. Jackass succeeds in making a pregnant woman cry.

11. I call Bell. I have a two hour conversation with them about phone, internet and their shoddy treatment of customers. I cancel the television service.

12. I order television service from Rogers

13. I write this post.